Friday, May 31, 2013

The Ultimate Pop-Tart Post


I know I said I don’t really like Pop-Tarts, but when my sister brought home the Cookie Dough ones, they renewed my faith in Kellogg’s attempt at getting parents to let their kids eat dessert for breakfast.

Which is code for, they sent me on a Pop-Tart buying spree. Not all at once; but after I ate a few packets of the Red Velvet ones, then I remembered how much I’d always wanted to try the Hot Fudge Sundae. Which brings us to the ultimate Pop-Tart review.


First off: Red Velvet. On the one hand, I love red velvet. On the other, the confetti cupcake Pop-Tarts were a bit of a letdown. So I approached these with cautious optimism. And they already have one point in their favor: the frosting. Whereas every other Pop-Tart I can ever remember eating has way too much uncovered pastry around the edges.


The main point, though, is taste, and these actually do a decent job of mimicking red velvet cake. They’re not anywhere near the real thing--or the cookie dough Pop-Tarts, for that matter--but they’re good. They just moved into second place in my All-Time Favorite Pop-Tarts Standings, right behind Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

Now on to Hot Fudge Sundae. Unfortunately, they aren’t as impressive as the Red Velvet. I’m willing to overlook the fact that they have less frosting, but even if they had more, they still wouldn’t compare. There’s something about chocolate-based Pop-Tarts that I’ve never liked. Here, the pastry part is exceptionally dry and chalky, and really mostly just reminds me of sawdust. NOT chocolate. The only tolerable part is the center, where the filling and frosting are the thickest and there’s no uncovered pastry to be seen. Even then, the filling just tastes like sweet goo, and the frosting is similarly generic. They are decent by themselves and fine in concert, but they in no way remind me of a hot fudge sundae. And they don’t really make up for the pastry part you have to choke down with them.


Needless to say, Hot Fudge Sundae hits the bottom of the standings. Rock bottom. In recent memory, I haven’t had anything worse, although I’d hazard a guess that my reactions to the Cookies & Cream and Chocolate Fudge flavors would be the same. (I’ve had them both before and was never convinced.) Nonetheless, they may appear at some point, just for completeness’ sake. Until then...I’m sticking with the Cookie Dough.
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