Tuesday, August 20, 2013

You Know, Facing Fears Can Be So Delicious

I’ve been wanting to post something meaningful for a while, but life got the better of me lately and I haven’t had the time. I think the last day was...Saturday? Wow. I have a legitimate excuse for Sunday, though: Peter competed in his first-ever horse show!

I don’t think I’ve wanted to be back in Pennsylvania more than that day, but I got plenty of updates through Facebook, so I sort of got to “see” it. All I can say is, my sister has done an amazing job training that pony!!

In the meantime I’ve kept my kitchen stocked with some type of chocolate/sugary dessert. When I finished the Reese’s Puffs muffins, I opened a package of chewy Chips Ahoy! with Reese’s cups in them. I finished those off for a snack the day after I opened them, so I made brownies (on Sunday). OK, technically I cheated here because I didn’t have oil, so I used applesauce instead. Which isn’t totally overcoming the fear, since it’s safer than using the real recipe.

They were pretty good, though not nearly as good as the “real” kind. So I got kind of bored with them quickly. Actually I still have them, and I only made half the box (in an 8x8 pan), so that’s saying something because usually if there’s chocolate around I’m all over it. Despite the fact that I still had the brownies at home, I ended up at Food Lion for bread yesterday and came home with that, plus these cuties:

Which means that when I came home I had (mini) cupcakes AND brownies in my apartment and I didn’t have a meltdown. Yeah, that probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I was proud of myself. :)

So--today. Still have the brownies. I ate all the cupcakes (had three at work this afternoon). I could have just went with the brownies, but that didn’t feel nearly adventurous enough. So I baked a pan of Betty Crocker Double Chocolate Chunk cookies. Now these really annoyed me because Betty Crocker does not measure well, and she led me to believe that there were 3 x 18 = 54 tablespoons of mix in that pouch...SHE LIED TO ME. Which would be fine if she accidentally gave me more, but that was not the case. Sigh. (I only know this because, again, I only made half the mix.)

They JUST came out of the oven, so I haven’t been able to try one yet, but lordy do they smell heavenly! And the batter was just amazing...the great thing about living alone is that no one cares if you lick the spoon and then go back to mixing. Or if you stick your entire head into the mixing bowl when you’re done to make sure you get all the batter off the bottom.

So I have a better idea...why don’t we freeze cookies instead of baking them? Then we wouldn’t have to wait for them to cool, and they would taste like cookie dough, which we all know tastes better than cookies. Oh, wait...that raw egg thing, right.

That’s it in the food queue for now. BUT I have to put in a word on water retention: it’s back. It really went down over the weekend, and I have to wonder if it’s because I slept later into the morning. Well, I stayed in bed later. I haven’t been sleeping very well. It also could have been the cooler weather on Saturday. It was really quite funny, I spent all of Friday night peeing it out instead of sleeping, and I woke up (for the final time, haha) feeling deflated! But yeah, now I’m back to being slightly sore and my butt is definitely firmer than it should be given its size. :)

Even with all those fluctuations, my weight has not budged in over a week. At least judging by my body/clothes. Maybe I’m just not hypersensitive to minute changes anymore, but I don’t think that’s it. I think the gain has stalled, which has me slightly worried that I’m not eating enough because I KNOW I’m not at my set point yet. But I’ve been eating tons, closer to 4,000 than my 3,500 minimum. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m ignoring my hunger, because by now it’s such an ingrained habit that I can do it and not even realize what’s happening. And I’m still having trouble remembering that “obsessing about food” = “hungry” even if my stomach isn’t growling. I just don’t want to miss my body telling me to EAT and having that prevent my body from repairing my muscles and joints and pathetically brittle bones.

Ahh, I didn’t mean to get down here. I guess the answer is simple, right? Just eat! Speaking of which, those cookies might be cool enough by now....
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