Thursday, January 8, 2015

Hey, WeightWatchers (Re the new WeightWatchers ads)

Hey, WeightWatchers, I think you have “lack of willpower” confused with the set point theory, which is an actual, scientific, documented thing.

I also think you have “lack of willpower” confused with the body’s natural response to starvation.

And, finally, I know for sure that you have “thinner” confused with “healthier.”

A “coach” isn’t going to change any of the above.

And, people at WeightWatchers, if you feel like expanding your horizons, look up the Minnesota Starvation Experiment (and feel free to Google set point theory). I know you won’t, because your profits depend on science not existing. But I mean, it’s out there for anyone to find and your entire weight-loss industry has done a fantastic job so far of convincing people it doesn’t exist, so what’s the worst that can happen?

Weight loss has a 95% failure rate, at best. You can bet your booty if that was a prescription drug no one would prescribe it and no one would take it, given the side effects.

Hey, people at WeightWatchers, if you don’t want to read the whole thing then at least read the last paragraph of that link. Here, I’ll even quote it for you:

“If your doctor told you that she was going to prescribe you a medicine that worked for Sally, but that she was legally required to say that Sally’s results weren’t typical, that you probably wouldn’t experience Sally’s results, and then told you that it was more likely to leave you less healthy than more healthy would you take it?  If Viagra failed 95% of the time would we blame guys for not trying hard enough or would we say that the medicine didn’t work?”

To say nothing of Viagra making men’s hair fall out, making their bones brittle, causing them to lose their menstrual cycle (just go with me here), and leaving them tired and irritable and miserable. How many guys would take it if those were the consequences? (Just to be clear, they’re not, or maybe some of them are, I have never read the side effects of Viagra, for various reasons.) I am obviously not a man, so I don’t know if an erection is worth all those things, but I know for sure fitting into society’s arbitrarily tight little knickers is not.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make myself a large flask of hot chocolate using heavy whipping cream instead of milk. (Gasp! Milk, not water!) I might even put some peanut butter in. Because, you know, you’re allowed to eat whatever you want.

And one last thing, people at WeightWatchers.

Have a nice fuckin day.

[I’m not back for good and please don’t expect frequent blog posts from me. I’m just dropping in as this time of year is really rife with diet ads and general fodder for disordered thoughts. I hope this post finds all of you well :) ]